Recently I had a few questions asking whether it was worthwhile to open up an online dating account. Is it possible to meet some decent people or is it all just a scam and waste of time and money? Personally, I have experimented with online sites a bit and honestly, it’s a mixed bag and your miles may vary (and any other cliche you can think of). Basically, it’s like the wild west and anything goes, so basically anything can happen and your experience can be either outstanding or terribly miserable. That said, there’s a few basic generalities that apply to MOST sites:

1. Men outnumber women by a gigantic ratio- if you are a man, get ready to put a lot of time into it
2. Be ready with an OUTSTANDING picture- an ok picture won’t do, you need something that puts you into the best light possible. That’s because people only have the visual to judge you with, and maybe to a limited extent whatever you write about yourself in your profile, but 90% of judgment goes into the picture. So if you are not photogenic, or don’t have any good pics around, just forget. Really.
3. People lie. This goes back to point #2. Since so few people are really dramatically HOT or HANDSOME, they need to try to keep up with the elite looks minority in order to get ANY attention at all. So you will get lots of people like about their height or weight, and possibly even submit photos which are 10 years old or even older.
4. Attractiveness is skewed online. Again since attractiveness is virtually the sole ingredient to picking mates online, there is an exaggerated importance put on said looks. However, due to the warped male to female ratios (see point #1), attractiveness is viewed in a somewhat skewed manner from real, everyday life. Since there are so few women to men, the women who are online will get plenty of attention from men even if they would be considered dogs in real life. To illustrate, if you were a man who was stuck on a remote desert island with a homely woman and she was the only woman around, would you mate with her even if you wouldn’t even look twice at her in real life. Of course you would, and she would probably seem like a beauty queen to boot. The men, conversely are judged much more harshly. Women don’t have the benefit of seeing the guy in action, seeing his charm and personality, so all they have to judge him by is his looks and since she has so many to choose from, she can bide her time and wait for Brad Pitt to show up.
5. Women have very different reasons for maintaining an online profile. According to point #4, women are in short supply online, so they have the ability to be more picky. As a result, women use online dating for different reasons depending on her physical appearance. For those women who can easily get dates in real life, they have no reason to look for a date online, so they use their profile almost exclusively as an ego boost to validate herself. The homely woman, who has little choice in the fierce dating world, is actually looking for a guy, but due to her short supply will also have an unrealistic perception of her desirability. She will hold out for the hottest guy, mislead him with old pics and inaccurate info, then be disappointed when he doesn’t react favorably when he meets her. Then she gets back online to repeat the process. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.
6. Both women and men tend to develop negative attitudes toward the opposite sex. Since men are in high supply and low demand online, they are like ravenous dogs in chase of a piece of meat when pursuing any woman who even gives out a hint of interest. So when the woman meets the guy, she is surprised that he is an oversexed horn-dog who only wants “one thing.” Conversely, since most of the short supply women who actually want to meet are the less desirable bunch in real life, when men do meet them, they tend to meet a woman whom he considers to be “under-qualified” to be his date. Then he thinks all woman are lying fatties who think they are “too good” for someone who is on their level.

Obviously online dating doesn’t do much for the battle of the sexes. Look, it may just be possible to get lucky and meet a fantastic partner, but the odds are stacked against you for all of the above reasons. However, if you are dead set on trying and want to have the best odds at finding someone decent, I suggest staying away from the mainstream sites and look at sites with specific niche audiences.

For example, dating sites like JDate or a christian dating site or a site dedicated to any number of minority groups actually does give you a decent chance of meeting someone you’ll be happy with. Why? Because desirable people need a reason to go online dating and a niche site presents an opportunity for them to find something very SPECIFIC that they may have trouble finding in the real world. For example, if you are Jewish or Asian or Gay and you are looking for someone like yourself, you may have trouble finding or screening out people in the real world who are outside of your social circle. Hence, even though you may be a desirable partner, you may look online to help you find that very specific someone. That approach does work and I do know many people who have found their life partners in this manner. However, the general audience sites tend to attract a more general audience who fall into the categories listed above.

My advice? If you know you are looking for something very specific, than a good niche site may help you expand your search. If you are just looking to meet a variety of people to have fun with, then you’re probably better off finding happiness the old fashioned way, in the real world.