John Gottman is a psychologist who specializes in research about marriages and relationships. In his years of research he has determined four types of behavior within a relationship that predicts within 90% accuracy which relationship will succeed and which will fail. These behaviors all consist of ways that people react when dealt with adversity or conflict in the relationship. In other words, Gottman claims that it is not the underlying problem, but the ways that the couple reacts to the problem which determines the fate of the relationship. He found that all of these four behaviors were common in marriages that ended up in divorce.

The behaviors are:

1. Criticism- this is when one partner constantly criticizes the other and makes it personal. For example, instead of criticizing a mistake, the partner will attack the personality or character of the partner instead of just the action. This is most commonly a behavior trait of women.

2. Contempt- this is when the criticism gets particularly hostile, including name calling and cursing. This indicates a total lack of respect within the relationship.

3. Defensiveness- when one partner, instead of facing a problem, avoids it by making excuses or denying blame. This leads to avoiding or even enhancing the problem, rather than dealing with it directly.

4. Stonewalling- this is when defensiveness goes to an extreme level and one partner just refuses to communicate or discuss an issue at all. Commonly used as a tactic by men when dealing with a criticizing women.

A more detailed analysis can be found here: Marriage and Health. I will have a more detailed analysis and commentary of each separate behavior and what it indicates within a relationship in upcoming articles.