There is a new reality show on TV called Hitched or Ditched…. I thought I saw everything but this takes the cake. In this show, a long-term commitment-phobic couple is being thrown a wedding and has one week to decide whether they’ll go through with it or break up. I’ve seen other shows screw with people’s lives, but nothing like this.

First, the premise is absolutely ridiculous. Marriage is a very big decision, not to be taken lightly, and one week is just not a proper window of time to make that decision. Worst of all, it’s not just like these individuals are given one week to decide whether or not they want to eat an ice cream sundae- they are faced with the potential to have their ENTIRE LIVES RUINED with the wrong decision. Talk about “playing with lives.” Not to mention the absurdity of inviting all of your friends and family to an event you’re not even sure you want to have and may possibly even pull out of at the last minute.

At any rate, besides the insanity of the entire premise, the most interesting thing about the show is seeing these troubled couples in action. Here we have couples who have been together for three or four years and show a very happy face to the outside world, but behind the scenes there is a very good reason (or two) for them not getting married. Because they shouldn’t be married.  This couple, at least in the first episode, is the classic example of a co-dependent relationship. They are constantly at each other’s throats, but the male half says something like “yeah, we fight all the time, but we just can’t live without each other.” If that isn’t co-dependent, I don’t know what is.  At one point he tells the girl “if we broke up, who would be there to yell at me.” Then they say that they like fighting because they “enjoy making up.”  This is obviously a well thought-out couple.  This couple has so many problems, they would be making a DISASTROUS mistake if they got married. Things are so wrong, they probably aren’t correctable, simply because both individuals at the core are not compatible. However, between all the tears, arguments and heart ache, they present themselves as a very close, tight-knit couple to the outside world.  Fortunately, the guy pulls out (at the altar) and everyone can breath a sigh of relief, while the would-be bride leaves in hysterical tears. This is the stuff that little girls’ dreams are made of.

Anyway, the bigger lesson to be learned here is about what those long-term uncommited relationships are all about. Sure, people are not ready to be married if they are in their teens or early 20s, sure not everyone believes that love should be governed by a legal contract. However, if you take a look at a couple who is of a marriageable age, who have been together for a while, who have no strong stance against the institution of marriage, yet have no concrete plans on getting married in the future, you have to start to wonder.  No matter how much they put on a public face to the world, no matter how much they protest that their life is “wonderful and perfect” it just doesn’t add up. There must be something preventing them from making a more serious commitment.  And that something is usually that their relationship is profoundly broken, lacking in compatibility, harmony, and trust. No one of right mind would get married to someone they are have nothing in common with, don’t get along with, and don’t even trust.  Yet sadly, many many people live together FOR YEARS in this same arrangement, due to the fear of abandonment and fear of change. Nothing is certain, but chances are pretty high that that very happy couple you know who seems like has it all together and has been together for like forever, but yet still isn’t married is probably one of those couples. One of those couples who should be appearing on Hitched or Ditched.