I’ve seen a lot of advice out there about what guys should do to get a girl’s number. They give them all kinds of openers and techniques to use, all with the intention of getting the coveted number.  However, what these “gurus” don’t tell their clients is that most of those numbers they’ll be getting will be absolutely useless.

Yes- talking to a girl with the express purpose of getting her number is absolutely useless.

USELESS.

What am I talking about? First, most attractive women are approached on a consistent basis throughout the day. All of those guys talking to her are trying to get her number as well.  You have the disadvantage of being one guy out of many who has talked to her that day, so chances are she may not even remember you. Have you ever called a girl back with this kind of intro “Hi, it’s John. Remember me, we met yesterday in the park?” If you have to start a phone conversation that way, you’re already dead in the water. You subconsciously know that you haven’t done enough to differentiate yourself from all the other suitors, so you have to spend the first part of the call explaining who you are- this is NOT attractive.

Second, women give out their numbers for many reasons that often have little to do with genuine interest. She may be giving you her number for the following reasons:

1. Politeness- she knows there is no potential here, but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by turning you down right there on the spot

2. Curiosity- she’s not really interested, but she’s curious if you really will call

3. Vanity- she just likes to have the phone ringing off the hook with potential suitors. She has no intention of ever picking up the phone and her sole objective is to have the phone ringing so that she can “complain” to her girlfriends about how annoying it is that guys call her all the time

4. Cruelty- she will either give you a fake number or the real one, knowing she won’t pick up, just to pick up your hopes, then dash them cruelly to the ground.  This is more rare than the previous examples, but still happens.

Further, she may be somewhat interested during the conversation, but then after a day or a few days have elapsed, has gradually lost interest, so that by the time you call, she is no longer interested.

So what is a guy to do?

Answer- don’t focus on getting the number. Forget about the number. FORGET IT.

Instead, focus on building genuine attraction and rapport while you are talking to her. What you are looking for is the “hook”. What is a hook? It’s when you know the girl is genuinely interested in you, when you’ve got her “hooked”.  In other words, don’t be outcome-focused. Instead, approach the girl with the intention of getting to know her.  Focus on qualifying HER.  Be genuine and express interest, then relate to her by telling stories and then having her reciprocate. If the conversation isn’t going well, don’t worry. She’s not the right girl for you, you disqualify her, and you move on to the next one.  Most girls will not be interesting to you or interested in you. That’s fine. Why would you want to call them anyway? Don’t waste time, talk to another one.

Once you’ve gotten a good vibe with a girl, don’t back off.  If it’s during the day time, tell her you want to go get a cup of coffee or something and ask her to come with you.  If you’re vibing, you want to keep the momentum going so that you are memorable to her.

Most important thing to remember- when doing a quick cold approach, your chances of getting a return phone call improve greatly if you can make yourself MEMORABLE.  Telling a good story, going to a different location, and having an extended conversation are all great ways to make yourself memorable.

Once you realize things are going well, ask for the number casually. Once you get it, keep going with your momentum. Don’t just take the number, excuse yourself and leave as if you accomplished your mission. That just weirds girls out and makes them think you were only interested in getting a number, rather than getting to know them genuinely.

Remember, if you want to make sure the girl picks up the phone or calls you back, relate to her genuinely as a person, make yourself memorable, and make the objective of actually getting the number an afterthought and you will find yourself much more successful.