You have been in a relationship for a while, and it’s slowly becoming more rocky.  Fights are becoming more frequent and pronounced, the good vibes of the honeymoon are over, and some serious issues are starting to emerge. Suddenly, your partner suggests that you take a break for a few months to “sort things out”. What does this mean?

Is it a break or a break up?

Where is the relationship headed?

Although sometimes a short break is in order and actually helpful for the couple to clear their heads and gain perspective, more often than not, what your partner is telling you is that they are dissatisfied with you, and they want some time apart from you to see how it feels to be single but without ripping off the bandaid and burning bridges. Sure, your partner might miss you during the hiatus and come rushing back, but it won’t solve the foundation of the problem- why is your partner dissatisfied with you and/or the relationship?

In my experience, and the experience of hundreds of others, when your partner expresses enough dissatisfaction to want to put a “break” on things, no matter how short or noncommittal it is intended to be, that means that there are serious cracks in the foundation of your relationship.

You see, if someone is in a relationship with you for a number of months or even years, it takes quite a bit of displeasure to cause them to want to abandon the relationship. If they are already talking about taking a break, that means that their displeasure has intensified to the point where they have seriously contemplated leaving the relationship altogether.

If your lover indicates they want to take a break, this should be taken very seriously.

Best thing to do is treat it like a real break up. Maybe you might want to have a brief discussion with them to see where they are coming from. Or maybe you may just want to agree with their decision and go No Contact right away to force their hand.

Either way, treat it like a real break up, because something is definitely wrong. People who are very in love don’t want to take a break. Don’t let yourself be taken for a fool and agree on the break, hoping that your lover comes back one day.

Remember, treat your lover’s suggestion for a “break” as a break-up and force them to make a decision.