Q: I wish I found this site 3 days ago. For a little over 2 months, an acquaintance seemed to give subtle hints he was interested in me. I frequently responded in kind. Three days ago he phoned out of the blue and asked if I wanted to go to a ballgame that afternoon. I said yes. He seemed surprised… He picked me up late, drove straight to the game and dropped me off immediately after the game…leaving the engine running and just walking to the back of his car to fix a rattle noise. At the good bye he seemed extraordinarily nervous. We parted awkwardly. Not even a typical hug, handshake, talk to you later…Nothing. Ewww, I’m confused. What happened?

-Nancy

A: Nancy, thanks for writing in- better late than never. What happened here most likely is that the guy likes you, but doesn’t have enough experience or confidence to know how to move forward. Like I always say- let’s look at the facts. First, you indicated that he has been dropping hints of being interested. I don’t exactly know what that means, but I’ll give your feminine instincts the benefit of the doubt that probably there is some merit in those hints. Second, he did call you and invite you on a date. No guy (unless he is sexually frustrated and thinks it will be an easy lay, which is not the case here, I’m sure) will call a girl and invite her anywhere on a date, unless he is interested. Third, you did say that he seemed nervous. And again, he would have no reason to be nervous at all unless he was worried about the outcome, which of course indicates interest.

That said, the guy made a TON of mistakes. Even if he loved baseball or whatever sport it was, he shouldn’t have invited you to a game unless he knew you would love it. That may or may not be true in your case, but my default stance would be that inviting a girl to a typically masculine activity is a terrible idea. Second, you didn’t indicate any thing that you guys talked about. It seems as if there was no good conversation flowing, nothing to build or heighten interest. In his case, it’s probably because he was so nervous he couldn’t stammer out the words. And finally, he did not escalate physically, ie. going for the kiss, holding your hand, initiating more physical contact, etc. And the truth is that escalating physicality is essential to building attraction.

So basically what you have here is a blundering guy who probably has little to no experience with women. As I’ve written before in an article about whether the girl should make the first move (which can be found by searching the site), you are in quite a bit of a dilemma. The thing is that perhaps this is a great guy who has a lot to offer, but the problem is that dating and maintaining a relationship is a learned skill, just like picking up girls. So, in all likelihood, if he can’t even perform on a minimal level in the pickup department, how good will his relationship skills possibly be? Do you want to be the one to carry the relationship? And if you have some relationship experience under your belt, do you want to be the guinea pig where this guy smooths out his rough edges? Not saying what you should do here, but it’s food for thought.

Best advice: Give this guy another shot on the assumption that he does like you but pooped the bed from nervousness. If he maintains status quo in round two, you’ve at least settled your mind with little downside.

Good luck.

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