Mailbag: Should I go through with an arranged marriage?

By Relationshiplab • Sep 3rd, 2009 • Category: Reader Mailbag

Q: If you have been dreaming for someone for eight years and one day one person comes along who is exactly who you’ve been dreaming of,  then what should you do even if you are supposed to have an arranged marriage? Please reply quickly.


A: Thanks for the question and coming here for guidance before you wrecked your life. You are telling me that you’ve found someone who fulfills all of your wildest dreams, but yet you are considering turning it down in order to have an arranged marriage? To me the answer is as obvious as the sky is blue, but let’s slow down for a moment and analyze this a little further.
-Ashish

What are the possible good reasons for going with the arranged marriage instead? Because of custom? Tradition? To please your parents? I’ve got news for you, most customs and rituals and what passes for organized religion was developed from ancient cultures and superstitions that have absolutely no relevance to today’s modern world.  I’m not trying to get off-topic and blindly blast your culture- that’s not my intent. But when it interferes with your personal happiness, then it’s time to take a step back and reflect. Life is too short to try to live for someone else, whether it’s your parents or your community elders or your tribal leader, or whatever.  Only you know what you need to find fulfillment, and when your parents are gone, when you move from your community, when you reflect back on your past, you alone will be left to deal with the consequences.

You will only find happiness by thinking for yourself and living on your own terms, not your family’s. And what if they don’t approve? Well, the truth is that your parents gave you life, but they don’t own your life and you don’t owe them anything. Be firm and explain that you have found the person of your dreams. If they don’t want you to be happy, then that is their loss. At that point, they can be considered negative influences. What would you rather do, surround yourself with those things that bring happiness and joy or surround yourself with negativity? Think about it and good luck.
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