I often get questions from people who have found themselves trying to save relationships that have gone awry. Often it’s a case where one individual isn’t getting everything that they are seeking in a relationship and they end up banging their head up against the wall constantly trying to change the other person to be the kind of partner they want. I’m here to tell you that if you find yourself in this situation, just quit. The other person isn’t going to change. Sometimes it’s better to cut your losses then keep betting on a loser.

Look, I’ve been there too. I’ve been in relationships with neurotic, possessive, paranoid and and obsessive women. I’ve been there where I thought maybe I was doing something to contribute to the intolerable behavior. Which is maybe why I stayed a little longer past the expiration date in some occasions. I’ve been there where I was constantly under suspicion for cheating even though I’ve never done such a thing and I’ve been there where the other person was constantly looking for a reason to start a fight. And I’ve been there where I thought that maybe I had some share of the blame for some of this behavior, because in all honesty someone would have to be crazy to act that way without good reason…. and the people I was dating weren’t crazy…. were they?

But I’m also here to tell you that I’ve now been married for almost two years and my wife and I have never, ever, EVER had even ONE single fight this whole time. And guess what? I’m more or less the same person I am now as I was then in the other relationships.  The only thing different is that I now know and recognize all these things and clearly know what’s up and what’s right and wrong in relationships. But my actions are the same, my thoughts and behavior are the same, but the end result is radically different. Why? Because in the end, when you are either a) with the wrong person for YOU or b) with the wrong person for ANYBODY, you are going to have a very, very bumpy road ahead. And if you are going to try to hang on and change the other person, get ready to strap your seat belt on cuz it’s only going to get even bumpier.  For someone who is acting wrong by you, it’s going to have to take a monumental realization and effort on their part to change. And maybe years of therapy. And if they are just not understanding, then they probably never will.

In the end, do you want to give yourself a break and have some piece of mind? Cut your losses and dump that exhausting relationship and free up your energy, time, and spirit to find someone who really gets you, doesn’t have a closet full of baggage, and helps you find the smooth highways of life. Good luck.