What to do if your partner makes vacation plans without you

By • Feb 16th, 2010 • Category: For Couples

Situation: The person you have been dating for 1.5 years is organizing a “Girls Only” (or substitute “Boys Only”) trip to an exotic land, and obviously since you are a member of the opposite sex, you are not invited. What do you do?

Answer: If you are in a committed relationship, i.e. one that has lasted for over a year, is more or less exclusive, co-habitating or leading towards, and with some thought toward the future, then you have to wonder why your honey actually wants to go anywhere without you on a trip, especially somewhere that will produce lots of memories and adventure like a foreign trip. See, here’s the thing: If your partner is focused on you, then they will want to create a life WITH you. They wouldn’t want to have a separate life with separate memories and experiences. No, they would want to create a shared life with you. So, as a result, here’s Relationship Lab Axiom #457: If your partner is making travel plans without you, they are making life plans without you.

It bears repeating:

Relationship Lab Axiom 457: IF YOUR PARTNER IS MAKING TRAVEL PLANS WITHOUT YOU, THEY ARE MAKING LIFE PLANS WITHOUT YOU.

What does “life plans” mean? That’s a good question. But perhaps they haven’t been completely forthright with you. Who knows, maybe there’s another lover in the picture or they are looking for one. Either way, it’s not a good sign.

I personally have seen this situation played out with some people I know. In some cases the people who went on this gender only trip were engaged to be married. My advice for the other people in these relationships? Cancel the engagement and don’t look back. And consider yourself lucky to have missed a big bullet.


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3 Responses »

  1. Jewel on December 7th, 2010 at 4:29 pm:

    After being in a 4 year relationship and finding that my soon-to-be-ex boyfriend within the last 4 months has taken several trips without me as well as making plans for an epic trip to Thailand next year…minus me…and coincidently is telling me that when he’s away or at a party I don’t ‘need to know’ whom he is with and what he’s doing… this article certainly is timely and it’s time for me to pull the plug on the relationship. Thank you!

  2. monique on February 19th, 2011 at 5:30 pm:

    Get this….afta inviting me on more than one ocassion on a trip to Iceland mentioning that “we’d have so much fun” my ‘partner’ of a year, whom I’ve had doubts about in the exclusivity dept-just planned that trip during a time when I cldnt possibly go, tells me more or less afta the fact, and then afta the fact invites me to come if I can! LOLOL! Insult to injury-As for gender-only: we’re both women! Wow!!! I’m done-removing the “sucker” sign from my back & forehead. Thanks for posting this. I want to be with someone who actually wants to share those kin of memories with me. I’m actually thankful though-thankful that it’s only been one year and not two & that her actions afford me the opportunity to understand who she really is no matter how many “I love you’s” she serves up.
    Signed,
    Dueces, I’m Out!

  3. Kym on August 31st, 2011 at 4:25 pm:

      We were supposed to be going to Paris in three weeks.  Instead I got an email from him saying he was having lunch on Sunday under the Eiffel tower with his friend Richard  So hurt and he let me know how much he actually cared about me by not even saying a word or even making a single attempt to work things out.  Can’t believe I fell for such a self centered ass

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